Tuesday, August 11, 2009


Oh how I loved this chapter in "Captivating". How I love romance! And how wonderful it feels to be romanced by Jesus Christ Himself, to feel that the God of the universe is passionately pursuing ME.

Basically, if you open your eyes to it, you'll see all the things that God does - just for you - to show you His love. Those moments that have that special signature upon them that make you stop for a second, and take a deep breath. It's different for everyone. It's different for every woman. But since you were a child, there were things that captivated you - things that God was sending your way for you to remember He loves you.

For some it's a certain sunset, or seeing a specific animal in the wild... obviously things in nature. There are also books we may have read or movies we may have seen where a certain part just moved us. And at times, we see our children play and it speaks to us - or a certain song comes up on the radio and we are like, "That's my song!" Well the Lord does all these things simply to let you and I know: I love you. And I'm passionately in love with You.

I think we don't stop long enough to realize that God is trying to romance us. I noticed that my 3 year old, Anakin, will be fascinated by a view of the mountains. And every time he sees a mountain the world stops for a second - it's a special gift to him! He also loves rainbows and airplanes. Specially airplanes. He wants to run outside every time he hears one, to get a glimpse of it. And I see now that this is how the Lord is bringing a holy romance into Anakin's heart; a sense of wonder, a feeling of pure joy, a moment where nothing in the world matters and Anakin is captivated.

Every time the Bible discusses our relationship with God, it ascends... From Lord, to Father, to Friend... But the Bible also shows us in Songs of Solomon that He is our Lover - and at the grand culmination of all things (the book of Revelation), Jesus is the bridegroom (basically, our Fiance) and we are the Bride. We cannot be insensitive to the passion between God and His believers that this description portrays. Jeremiah says that He "weeps in secret" when we turn away from Him... Scriptures also say that He has loved us "with an everlasting love". There is no doubt that God is passionate about us, and what it means for us to be "Holy" is to return that passion for Him. After all, Holiness is nothing except a deep, sacred romance between God and you.

Oh how He loves us! And His deepest desire is for us to love Him back. The book put it this way, "Just as there is a void in the heart of mankind that only God can fill, so there is a hole in God's heart that only we, as individuals, can fill - His longing for us, His love for us, shows us that there is something in His heart that won't be satisfied unless you and me personally respond to Him and return love."

God is big in romance, and He doesn't want us to wait until a man comes along to experience romance in our lives. Men don't have this need the way women do, but their hearts also long to be caught up in a passion - for God, and for a Beauty (leading lady, so to speak). I'm so thankful for that. Because having stopped in the past few days to seek it, to pursue it, my life as a stay at home mom of 2 and a half is no longer mundane and ordinary. Far from it!

He sends Anakin up from the yard with dandelions to put on my hair. He'll have a colorful bird perch on my kitchen window just as I'm absent-mindedly staring out of it. And recently I realized He can be even more specific.

I have to testify about our car situation. We had borrowed a car up until now, and it was time for us to purchase a vehicle and insure it on our own. Paul is 1200 miles a way and this is a task left up to me. I have to find a vehicle that fits 3 car seats and 2 adults. I'm stuck and frustrated - but a brother from the church is already out to help us, test driving and checking out vehicles that will met the needs in OUR family - not for him, but for us. He is driving out of town to help me find a car. He is going out of his way to help me finance it.

Now, this alone could've been proof enough that God cared for me, that He was working on my needs, that He'll provide for my needs... But it's not how He showed me He loved me - this is how: As I jump in late in the search, we are looking at a couple of vans. Ford Aerostars, etc. At one dealership, a salesman comes up to me while I was tending to the kids and asks me what my friend (a pastor from our church, mentioned in the paragraph above) was looking for. I tell the guy that we were basically looking for something affordable, that drives in Alaska year round, and fits 3 car seats. The salesman looks at me and says, "Oh yeah... You're a soccer mom!" I winced. It was like hearing nails on a chalkboard. I don't want to be a "soccer mom". I truthfully don't want a mini-van! I don't want to have no purpose other than to raise and feed kids, and drive them around on their adventure. I want an adventure of my own, remember? And I said in my heart, "Lord, I don't want a van. If it's the vehicle You provide for me, I'll be thankful... but..."

Well this pastor finds and purchases a 1996 Ford Explorer! I'm in an SUV! It has all terrain summer vehicles and studded tires for the winter, 4-wheel drive, spacious enough for 3 carseats in the back, in perfect condition, and in a silvery-lime green color. It looks amazing. And I know for sure now, that God romances ME! He could've given me the van, and said "deal with it", and I would've been thankful, but then all the wounds in my heart of failing at adventure for being a mom instead would've been reinforced. He wanted to show me that He still had adventure left for me - and we can just drag our kids along! So now my heart is not just thankful, but full of romance and passion for this God that cares about me so intimately He shows me His love in the deepest parts of my heart - where no one else sees.

He's been listening intently at all the thoughts of my heart. Just today I was journaling how people have suggested that I write a book... Well I'm not in the process of writing a book now, I'm writing a blog... about a book. I can't write a book about a book! Specially if the original is magnificent. So I ended my entry that I was sure if God led me to write a book, He would give me what to write about. Fast forward a couple of hours in my day, and I'm listening to the Christian radio station headed out of the gym, and I hear this blurb on Jeremy Camp, where he says, "I was praying and asking God to help me to write songs that would minister to people, then I heard God tell me, 'Jeremy, I want you to write songs that minister to ME. Write songs that touch MY heart, and I'll take care of ministering to people'." And God spoke to me, in that instant, about a thought I had earlier that I just jotted down (not even something I PRAYED about). He told me, "Write to captivate My heart. Write to Me, to touch Me, to please Me." How can I feel anything less than romanced if the Creator of the universe and the Savior of the world is listening so intently to even mundane, random thoughts in my heart!?

He sends me rain every night to help me sleep. He makes the Sunday morning mountain view look glorious from behind the lake that I drive by on the way to church - and with one glance I forget all the tension and stress of getting my kids ready for church and out the door on time. He plays music in the radio that I love... At the gym, while I was working out listening to station number 19, He had a Montel Jordan song I hadn't heard in a while but that I loved when I was 14. And I thanked God for that secular song! Then in the car He had "Here with me" by Mercy Me play on the radio and He knows how that song moves me to worship.

And now I know why I love the movie Moulin Rouge! and the song "Come what may" so much. It's how I feel about Paul (which is a great thing after 4+ long hard years of marriage). But it's also how God feels about me, and how I feel about God. It's one more way that God captivates me and reminds me that I'm captivating to Him:

"Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
suddenly it moves at such a perfect pace
suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste...
... it all revolves around you.

And there's no mountain too high
no river too wide
sing out this song and I'll be there by your side
storm clouds may gather, and stars may collide
but I'll love you... until the end of time.

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day..."

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